Remembering Her
She is all around me. I use her dishes, make her recipes, wear her jewelry and look everyday at the porcelain nightlight that was on her dresser for as long as I can remember. We shared a fear of the dark.
Lately, I've found myself connecting the most mundane things to my memories of her. My cat came from her backyard. I don't eat a cheeseburger and fries that my mind doesn't flash to lunches on her porch. Oranges remind me of the hundreds I picked off her trees every year.
The other day, I unpacked the acrylic Christmas ornament that she gave me the first Christmas I was married. I've put that thing on the tree every year and never noticed she had written her name and the year on the back in her elegant handwriting.
Yesterday, I met my child's class as they sang carols in a nursing home. I hurriedly entered the building knowing that he would be anxious to know I was there. I wasn't ready for the sights and smells to so abruptly take me back to her. I gritted my teeth, took deep breaths and imagined the tallest ice cream cone to try and compose myself in a room of sweetly singing children.
She loved Christmas. I can still see the poinsetta on her kitchen table. I will miss sitting next to her, making her mimosa and bringing her a plate of her favorite breakfast food on Christmas morning.
She never would have presumed that her life was such a gift to me. I used to tell her she was a character. Feisty, flirtatious and headstrong. She would always reply that she wasn't any of those things. I think those were some of the most enduring things about her. I'm thankful for all of the things around me that provoke such wonderful memories of her.
Happy Birthday, Grandma. I love you and realize that I miss you each day more than I ever thought I would.
posted by Chickenone @ 4:11 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
My best friend just lost her Mom. I knew her quite well and just hate the thought that one of us(there were 3 of us that roomed together in college)has lost her Mother. I find myself recalling many memories of her and the times on the Dairy Farm in VA. I also find myself wishing I lived closer to my best friend in a time like this. But you know, I also have the hope of seeing her again and knowing she is out of pain. (and that she's hanging out with my mother-in-law!) Thanks for this blog Michelle. It was beautifully written.
Just want you to know that I read this. Sometimes something like this post stands on its own and I don't know what I can say other than I love you!
you were a gift to her. i saw how much she loved you and how much she saw herself in you. you can rest easy knowing you were a great granddaughter.
What a loving tribute. You were a very special part of her life.
Great post, Michelle. My grandma died several years ago, but a random memory here or there will still take my breath away. Just the other day, I sat down and had a little cry because I miss her. Grief is a strange process, so give yourself lots of grace and know that whatever you are feeling, it's normal and good, even if it makes you really sad. Your happy place is a tall ice cream cone - that makes me happy!
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