Detox and the Sex Goddess

We're on day five of Operation California Detox which includes endless inquiries by my three children wanting to know what we're doing today for fun. After I explain the plan for the day which may or may not include swimming at the pool, renting their favorite movie or playing outside, I'm blasted by a chorus of cries and complaints.

"I wish we never moved here." "California is much more fun than this stinkin place." "I'll just live at Grandma's and Boppa's by myself - you can give them money." "I'm bored."

I expected this. After 27 days of pure, uninterrupted fun and entertainment, they don't know what to do with themselves. We did have a great time and for once in my life, I wasn't ready to leave. It was so good to be with everybody and watch my kids enjoy themselves so much. I was sad to leave too.

Mark was ready for all of us to be home. He was getting bored and couldn't wait for me to walk in to the spotless house completely stocked with groceries and exclaim (again) what an amazing man he is. So, I get it. I tell him how appreciative I am, what a great job he did, wow, I can't believe how perfect everything is, blah blah blah.

The next thing I do is check email and note that Amazon.com has sent a shipment confirmation for a book he had ordered. Yes, "227 Ways to Unleash the Sex Goddess Within" is on its way to my door. Perfect. Now in addition to unpacking, washing and putting away the nine bags of luggage I brought back, and dealing with my kids' post-California depression, I can learn how to create my sensual garden.

I mention my "find" to Mark and he's again thinking all thanks and praise are headed in his direction. How thoughtful he's been, a gift for me. I should be applauded for not having an immediate vocal, emotional response. I decide in the moment, that I'll just address this later.

So the book arrives. I leave it on the counter and the Giver of all Gifts walks in from work and looks through the book. "This is not what I expected at all." (Imagine my face with the biggest "puh-leese" look on it.) So he's telling me that he miss-understood the title and thought in fact it was the male counterpart to the author's other literary work of art entitled "203 Ways to Drive a Man Wild in Bed" (Which we have because my sister received it for her bachelorette party and decided to pass it on.)

This from my husband, who has an incredible amount of responsibility and accountability in his job and who I have always considered to be very intelligent.

That's his story and he's stickin to it.