Sad

I met a new neighbor today. They moved in two doors down and she introduced herself to me on my driveway. She and her husband are from Florida. They have a young son. We chatted, I asked all of the usual questions and we exchanged names and phone numbers.

I'm going to call her.

I'm going to call her because I've spent the better part of four days pouting (again) about how lonely I feel here. I told Mark I can go days when he's out of town and only talk with my kids. Sure we have friends we've made here... very nice people by the way. But I can't help longing for the friendships that I have in CA. I miss my mom and dad. I miss my sister and seeing her new baby. The strangest things here trigger my sadness.

On Sunday, I drove by a house - there were several cars out front. Kids playing outside with dads and uncles. Sunday dinner with family. We used to do that at my mom's house almost every week. I wish my kids could experience that.

The boys had their basketball banquet. Mark had to be out of town. So I went with them, they had lots of fun but as I sat there, once again, I felt so alone in a room full of all kinds of extended family cheering on their nephew, niece or grandchild.

I have very dear friends who are in the midst of amazing and life changing experiences (expanding their family by fostering children, navigating a painful divorce, getting married, etc.) and I feel like I'm missing out on walking through those experiences with them, helping out, and being present because I live so far away.

For some reason, I haven't "leaved and cleaved" fully. I don't want to leave and cleave because so many years and experiences are wrapped up with my family and friends at home.

So, I know what I would offer in the way of advice to somebody in my shoes. I usually always know the solution and am rarely in the mood to work toward it. But I will call my new acquaintance down the street. It's a good baby step today and for now, all I'm in the mood for.